you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
