taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
