my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
