forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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