There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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