I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
