Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
