I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
