using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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