Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
