I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
