Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
