playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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