i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
