he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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