omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
