it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
