I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
