I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
