I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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