Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
