As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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