This girl is more easily done than said...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
