We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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