don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish i was in the wii world.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
