I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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