so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
