she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
