you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
