My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
