Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
