i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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