I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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