You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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