He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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