idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
