I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
