Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
