oh god the rape fog is back!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
