Please, let me fuck your mom
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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