can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
