My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
