this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
