How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
