Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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