I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
