Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
