Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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