I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
