Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
