she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
