Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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